Lock-Down Lingo

In my message box today.....

Have you seen the new lock-down lingo? Here are some: Quentin Quarantino: An attention-seeker using their time in lock-down to make amateur films which they are convinced are funnier and cleverer than they actually are. Quarantinis (as opposed to Martinis): Experimental cocktails mixed from whatever random ingredients are left in the house or flat. The boozy equivalent of a store cupboard supper. 'Southern Comfort and Ribena Quarantini with a glacé cherry garnish, anyone?' These are sipped at ‘locktail hour’, i.e. wine o’clock, during lock-down, which seems to be creeping earlier with each passing week.  Le Creuset Wrist: It’s the new ‘avocado hand’ - an aching arm after taking one’s best saucepan outside to bang during the weekly ‘Clap For Carers.’ It might be heavy but such people are keen to impress the neighbours with their high-quality kitchenware.  Antisocial Distancing: Using health precautions as an excuse for snubbing neighbours and generally ignoring people that are irritating.  Furlough Merlot: Wine consumed in an attempt to relieve the frustration of not working. Also known as ‘bored-eaux’ or ‘cabernet tedium’.  Coronadose: An overdose of bad news from consuming too much media during a time of crisis. Can result in a panicdemic Coronials: As opposed to millennials. This refers to the future generation of babies conceived or born during lock-down. The Elephant in the Zoom: The glaring issue during a video-conferencing call that nobody feels able to mention. E.g. one participant has dramatically put on weight, sprouted terrible facial hair or has a worryingly messy house in the background.  Covidiot or Wuhan-ker: One who ignores public health advice or behaves with reckless disregard for the safety of others can be said to display ‘covidiocy’ or be ‘covidiotic’. Also called a ‘lockclown’ or a ‘Wuhan-ker’. Covid-10: The 10lbs in weight that some are gaining from comfort-eating and comfort-drinking. Also known as ‘fattening the curve’. Coughin' Dodger: Someone so alarmed by an innocuous splutter or throat-clear that they back away in terror.

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