Shopping with Countess Pasha du Valentine

Pasha Du Pont is with Pasha Du Valentine at Boots.

Just now · Gosport ·

I was somewhat customer abused yesterday in Boots and Poundstretcher. The teller in Poundstretcher was fumbling around under her counter and I had to do some purposeful coughing to draw her attention.

Then she asked if I would go and get another of the if-I-say-so-myself rather attractive gold painted glass flasks. Quite a fetching purchase for the night time boudoir at the Palace.

I declined because I am a Countess and asked that she find a colleague to do the task.

There were no colleagues, as they seemed to be hiding too, and we arrived at a stale mate.

I left the flask and some rather nice olives stuffed with anchovies (three tins for a Great British pound) and exited the building in a great British strop. She stared at me menacingly through the window as I unlocked my bike and made my way to Boots.

I knew what I wanted and I was in no mood to be delayed. I was to meet the Mothership for coffee in that Great British meeting place, Costa.

The queue at the front was heavy and slow so I made haste to the the pharmacy where there were two tellers. I placed my eyelash glue, highly over priced at £5.99, on the counter and got out my Vivienne Westwood purse. The Pharmacist, highly qualified no doubt, said,

'Is that all you have? We don't normally serve non pharmacy items here'.

Now, I realise she was far too qualified to serve me my eyelash glue but the word 'normally' sent me into a sea of doubt. Was I normal or not? Another stale mate.

I have considered my fate and have decided that my golden cycle helmet is annoying the villagers' shop keepers.


© 2005-2020 Goddamn Media