Spirals by Pasha

Some years ago in Brighton I had a friend who had succumbed to a serious drug habit, coke and crack mostly with alcohol thrown in like a narcotic gravy.

He was a good friend from Ireland. Funny and warm and the whole family loved him.

One night, drug-fueled and thoughtful, he mentioned that he was in a spiral he was unable to escape from. A spiral of bad luck where one event would spawn another and then another; an extrapolation of increasing negative experiences was predicted.

Drug users often have a warped view of reality so I tried to convince him that this was an impossibility. His Irish luck had not run out because luck, in the way he had meant, did not exist.

Sometime later I found my home situation with a lover and my son increasingly violent and stressful.

I was caught in a trap of emotional and physical suffering with seemingly no way to escape. I was simply not coping. No one was helping me and each day things got worse. I was in that spiral my friend had spoken of and it seemed as much luck driven as his spiral. When would it end, this tornado of chaos?

More recently my health seemed to be spiraling out of control.

Things began with a breakdown or two and then to some serious physical issues that were taking me, perhaps, close to death.

When would I ever be in full health again? How would I live with serious mental or physical health issues. I was dying before myself. (Please note, I consider mental and physical health equally.)

I now believe in spirals, my friend was correct. And to some degree, these spirals are peppered with bad luck. A series of 'unlucky' events can cause or worsen your spiral based on how they affect you.

It was bad luck that I had once again discovered violence in my domestic environment.

It was bad luck that I was not mentally strong enough to stop a mental breakdown.

It was bad luck that I needed to have surgery for several things.

But the hand I am dealt is the hand I must deal and I now do so with tempered consideration. I use caution in all that I do because if any perceived 'bad luck' happens I will be ready for it. I have learned about spirals and I have learned how to stop them.

© 2005-2020 Goddamn Media