The Erasure of Grandma

There is a lot of talk about the fifty plus woman feeling invisible.

Invisible has become a bit of a buzzword in forums and groups where the menopausal malaise


festers and ferments in pendulum swings of disappointment and hope.

Menopause gets a hard press, blamed for all life's ills: plummeting sexual activity, waves of doom, and the ultimate life betrayal, loss of self.

Thank Goddess it comes to an end and that the myths outweigh the truths.

But the theory of the invisible female is one that sticks and for many women, cannot be shaken.

The idea that women over forty-five or fifty become see through versions of themselves seems to be a shared experience.

But just who is trying to erase us?

It isn't men. As a sexually active woman of of fifty-six who takes a great interest in looking great, socialising, working in peripheral sex industries (I am a sex therapist and erotic artist), I still have daily emails from men trying to get close to my aging flesh. Well thank Goddess for that too.

I might suggest to my peers (if I could see them) to put in a bit more effort. Young women know how to get attention and they work hard at it. The satisfaction of desires is an obsession for the young and if you unwittingly put it to bed after your forties, when you didn't intend to, more fool you.

Why would men see you if you don't use your body and your personality to trigger their loins? The world is full of distractions. If you wear camouflage you won't get spotted in the jungle.

But I do not believe that we become invisible to men by default. I think it is feminine plot by young women to erase us. I think they have it in for us.

I am trolled by women and men, but the women do it differently. Women are nasty.

Once, after a TV show when I was approaching fifty, I was slated for wearing sexy attire, but only by women. My body was criticised, only by women. My brazen appearance on a TV show had upset the natural order, birth, puberty, sex, menopause, invisibility, death. Women were not happy that I had made a sexual impact, that I had been seen in that light by their menfolk.

Young women do not want Grandma getting sexual attention. Grandma should be put to pasture. Grandma is old and has a lot of attributes that young women do not have. Wisdom and confidence are two of our greatest gifts. We have an incredible array of sexual faculties and we are confident to exploit our knowledge and techniques. Women do not suffer sexual dysfunction by default as they age, and we can, if we choose, keep at it till we drop dead. Fact.

I worked with a burlesque performer once who said Madonna was disgusting and made her feel sick. Madonna's sexuality was deeply offensive to her. This was a decade ago, and Madge is still at it. Good for her. No woman should be shamed into hiding their sexuality because a social group are unnerved by it. That, my young friends, is sexual fascism, sexuality cleansing, and mark my words, that is just not right.

Pasha du Valentine Psychosexual Therapist.

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